Ziglar friends, just two days ago I posted a Ziglar Show and the topic was…marriage. One of Zig’s foundational focal points for ultimate success — but one I haven’t given much attention to in these podcasts. That show, #373, has resulted in a significant increase in downloads, more than most of our shows. And we keep getting amazing 5-star reviews and testimonies in iTunes. You can go check them out.
Based on that, today I bring you another one. And I’ll look to hit on this topic maybe once per month or so. Thank you for the great support and encouragement toward this vital topic of marital wellness and vitality. Zig is smiling down from heaven…
Ok, friends, today we’re going to continue on with a foundational success ingredient. Relational health. Marriage, to be specific.
I’m well aware that marital health is not the strongest topic hook. We want to learn how to make more money, enjoy our work, do work that matters. Anything that pertains to our money or work is a hot topic!
But right now I want to ask the question…why? If you knock your work and income out of the park…then what?
It’s a quick exercise to just ask…why? If you want more money…why? Exhaust the quick list of:
I’d pay off debt
Buy some things to make life easier and more enjoyable
Have some great experiences
Give it to the needy
At some point you’re then left with…your life. And if you’re married, you are left with an exciting, vibrant, fulfilling, life-giving relationship, or…not.
Same with work. Get the perfect job, make lots of money, love what you do…then what? Work 24/7? Do you ever go home? What do you go home to?
All the success will be diluted if the “home court,” as Zig referred to it, is not healthy.
So, today, we’re talking about that health.
Though let me flip my analogy upside-down a bit. And I’ll just make it personal. When my relationship with my wife is strong and healthy and vibrant, I’m far better fueled and able to succeed at work. When we are in conflict or unhealthy, my world is clouded. I’m preoccupied, I lack confidence. I have anxiety. I’m just not working on all cylinders.
We’ve been in those times and I’ve gotten frustrated, wishing I could just forget about it, compartmentalize. Then it occurred to me…that’s becoming numb. Is that what I want? Just settle for mediocrity? Remove the feeling, remove the value?
OK, that’s my sales pitch. And as you’ll hear in the clip from Zig in a moment, it’s what he’s trying to do as well. Sell you on the merits and value and necessity of a healthy, strong marriage, if you’re going to have overall success.
So with me today is the guest I am most honored to have back again for round two, my wife, Teri. We recently produced Show 373 and got great feedback. So here we go again.
Zig is back onstage, and on a bit more serious note. Here we go:
So Zig covers a few topics here. Teri and I are going to pull them out and candidly discuss them.
The first couple are not necessarily marriage-specific.
Again, the point here is giving more peace, joy, and success to marriages and relationships.
Zig first discusses high-profile people. Successful in work, millions of dollars.
As we analyze their lives, are they
Security in relationships
The really important, significant things are sometimes missing.
He uses Truett Cathy as an example – lists lots of things, but ends with…he has lots of joy in his life.
So, folks, this is an issue I’ve grappled with. I had some early experiences with high-profile, wealthy businessmen. And, folks, I experienced some hard realities. Enough that at the age of 25 I literally questioned, “Can you be successful in business, financially, AND have morality, integrity and most of all…truly loving relationships?”
What transpired after that was over 15 years of trying to be all heart. All relationship. Yet trying to achieve business success, but ultimately sabotaging it because of the schizophrenia of my own heart and mind in this matter.
But in my life — and I’ll cite my experience with other men — I do see this paradigm reality lived out. Most guys don’t pursue really significant work, business and financial success, because they assume it will come at the expense of family and relationships. And, as Zig points out, there are plenty of examples to that possibility.
But, Teri, I ask you to comment, candidly, on…me. On how you’ve experienced my journey through this.
>>Listen to the show.
I don’t need to go further.
I think you’ve seen me do a lot of both, Teri, and too much on the workaholic side, and maybe, lately, seeing the most glimpses of peak performer. I hope!
Zig distinguishes the workaholic not as somebody working three jobs to responsibly provide for their family, but as one who is working all hours to afford another house or car.
But, I have to admit, from my experience with myself and many entrepreneurs, that most are good people with good intentions, trying to do something of true worth, trying to serve humanity and idealism, while also providing.
I realize I’ve been a workaholic, trying to afford work that matters, and barely make income with it on the side. My bigger or extra house, or nicer car or fancy vacation was…good intent, pride, vanity and self-image baggage.
I think, again, this is often a dangerous place for well-meaning entrepreneurs. Teri?
>>Hear Teri’s responses on the show
In Zig’s talk, he almost seems to make a detour from talking about work and relational success and goes into…choosing a mate for life, because it takes a lifetime to truly understand another at a base, intimate, and I’ll say vulnerable level. And to do those things, IS…love.
We’re getting deep here. Twenty-three years in and in these aspects, I don’t know that we’re halfway there, overall. Teri?
>>Listen to the show
Zig noted that health is more than the absence of illness, a happy marriage is more than the absence of conflict. Men are not very empathetic, and women aren’t going to think like men — and vice-versa. He stated we don’t seek to understand each other; we are trying to get the other to think like we do.
I like that because we want to accuse each other of, “You’re just trying to get your way or get me to believe what you do.”
But I appreciate Zig saying we are trying to get the other to THINK like we do. That’s more understandable and not so selfish. I think it’s true. You and I are not being so uncaring, but we are trying to get the other to THINK like we do. Thoughts?
>>Listen to the show
Zig talks about the propensity for communication problems. How often are we really in disagreement, and how often are we just communicating poorly?
- With poor emotion…fear, hurt, anger…
- With methodology that speaks to us, not the other (to the point vs. story and details)…
- Telling vs. asking…
- But so many things that dilute the true issue that we often aren’t that far apart on?
>>Listen to the show
Zig talks on women, if they work outside the home, feeling they are abandoning the kids to daycare. If they stay home, they are abandoning their careers.
>>Listen to the show
Truly listening, and not just hoping the other will quit talking so we can say what we want. Truly listening and caring.
Zig ends with the fact that a woman wants a man she can look up to, but who doesn’t look down on her. I’d add…the same! Men want a wife who is strong, able, wise, who they truly respect. And…who respects them