[00:00] Welcome to the Ziglar Show, episode 446. Today we bring you psychologist and recent TEDx presenter Owen Fitzpatrick to talk about rewriting your story from victim, to overcomer
[00:13] You can’t change reality but what you can change is how to perceive reality, by seeing yourself, recognize yourself for someone who being a hero. So let us say for example your are struggling with depression, let’s say you broke. You see I broke, poor me, that means life is unfair with me, it is the government, it is this, it is that, telling your story of why you broke. You are not telling the story of how you have to overcome.
[00:42] Tom Ziglar and I talk with Owen and cover some deep ground on, as Owen puts it, the war inside your head. Stay tune and we will dig deep to find out which truly inspire our performance.
[01:43] Hi everyone, this is Kevin Miller, your host of The Ziglar Show. Here is another interview where Ziglar CEO Tom Ziglar, said, “Kevin, I love this guy, we’ve got to have him on the show!” And as usual…wow. This is what inspiring true performance is all about.
[02:00] A quick bio for you on Own Fitzpatrick…he’s a globetrotting Psychologist from Dublin, Ireland (as if the accent doesn’t give that away…). He is the author of 6 books that have been translated in more than a dozen languages. He’s delivered talks and courses in more than 27 countries helping people to understand more about how their brain works. Owen has a masters in Applied Psychology, had his own television show and has spoken on stage with the likes of Sir Richard Branson, Seth Godin and Dr Richard Bandler. He has presented lectures and talks in University College Cork, Trinity College Dublin and the Michael Smurfitt Business School. Having traveled as far as countries such as North Korea, Rwanda and Afghanistan for his research, Owen has been fascinated with how propaganda, storytelling and influence works.
[02:55] Co-founder of the Irish Institute of NLP, Owen has spent many years working as a therapist and corporate trainer. A trained actor and screenwriter, he has specialized in the power of stories as a tool to influence. His recent tedx talk was an innovative and authentic combination of poetry, rap, storytelling and science on how to win the war inside your head.
[03:19] To find the talk, simply type in “Owen Fitzpatrick ted” and it will show up. You can connect with Owen at blog.owenfitzpatrick.com
[03:40] So, let’s get to it. Here is our interview with Owen Fitzpatrick and “The war inside your head”!
[03:49] Owen, welcome, and thank you immensely for traveling all the way from Ireland to be on The Ziglar Show!
[04:08] Owen, Tom sent your recent TEDx talk to me, “Mind Control: How to win the war in your head“. I see it posted on Nov. 15, 2016. When I first viewed it, I think there were just a couple hundred views. As of yesterday I saw well over 45,000. Obviously you’ve hit a nerve. Do you feel more surprised, grateful, confirmed?
[04:37] I think what I feel is I am really glad that more and more people re seeing it because that was the one purpose I am doing this. The actual talk was that I really want to do in different which I never done before. The entire talk was about the inner war that we had inside our mind, when we talk to our self. I know I can done the typical traditional tedx talk telling my story of whatever the case may be, and it can reach out to many people, but I didn’t feel that it can give such impact to people. So I wanted to reach as many people as I can. The most important message I want to give is that you can overcome the challenge which exists inside your head, you can overcome the negative voice.
[06:08] But Owen, the most important thing is that was there any catalyst for this specific message. And someone in regards to the fact that you can pretty vulnerable for yourself, with your client, with others, so you said that I wanna deliver this message.
[06:40] Yeah, I mean the message is so important to me. You know when I was a teenager, I was suicidal, I was pretty depressed, the struggle I mean that so many people have faced, and I wanted to do is to be open as much as possible about my struggle. At the end of the day, you know if you truly want to reach people, you have to be yourself 100% and then you can reach so many people and the people will understand you.
[07:40] So the most important thing is when I being impressed with someone, it is the authenticity, for example, Zig Ziglar, Tom himself. If you listen to them you will find the realness, being very straightforward, being very real and you can feel what kind of person they are. And that make much easier to understand. So I just wanted to be authentic and real as much possible.
[09:00] Owen you know one of the thing that destruct me about your rhymes, when you talk about transparency, dad and his delivering the speeches he did, whenever he had more than an hour he used to told his story. His story of all the struggle, and I think what happens when people see that they just dignify that. Because you are not that expert on stage who looks down, but you are a friend sitting next to them. When people come to you privately, and they know the back story about you, what is the most common question they ask to you.
[10:15] Well, a lot of them want to know how was I become able to do what I am doing. For example, I am working with someone privately, they know my story, they know I used to travel, I teach people etc, so there questions are that how did you do it. How did you overcome the depressed, how did you overcome the struggling, how did you turn your life around. What I tried to emphasized people is that there are often things which are going on behind the scene. Like you remind me of your dad, he used to said that motivational is like a bath, you should do it everyday. This is the most motivational thing about motivation I have ever heard.
[11:35] Life is a continuous set of challenges that you have to overcome, for that you have to work really hard, and you have to motivate, you have to keep yourself motivate everyday and even if you are not motivated you still have to act in the way you see discipline.
[11:54] The message I tried to get people when they ask me that how you have build a successful life, is that about to motivate yourself whenever you can but discipline yourself. Once you will realize it a lot of things will be in your control. You will start to take better decisions, you will start to make things better and in what you deserve.
[13:05] The most of time people forget about the thing is that motivation is a continuous, consistent thing, Discipline is a continuous, consistent thing.
[13:24] So, “how to win the war inside your head”. One of the most popular things we’ve ever done in this show was offer Zig Ziglar’s self-talk cards to everyone (Ziglar.com/selftalk). The testimonials are profound, at least from the small percentage who actually to them. But, it’s one thing to comprehend the benefit of speaking positive things to yourself. It seems quite another to understand and acknowledge there is a war going on in my head. If I had to guess, I’d say most people think of their minds as just…neutral. There to engage in whatever they need at the moment, but otherwise fairly static and set. Yet you have found this to be untrue. Tell us more about the war going on inside your head?
[14:28] From my point of view, if you look into the history, if you look into the biology, you don’t have what you need to intend in here. Our brain naturally evolves some negativism. Our brain gives us an aim to help us in some way to be able to survive. In order to that, as people give negative more attention easily and worrying, felling anxious, depressed, all of these are different strategies used by your brain to got to protect you in some way. The problem is often times, after some periods, it don’t work so well. So if you are worry about something, that is actually good because it reminds you of something in your future. The problem is when someone is struggling with depression, it is not that you think negatively but you believe negatively. But the same time there is a positive side of your brain, you need to make it louder.
[17:35] I think this war is real, it is the war for the happiness, it is the war against suffering, against depression, against struggling, and I think the key is that to recognize around power.
[22:04] negative thoughts aren’t bad or wrong, inherent purpose, but gone awry
[22:15] talk to ourselves, thoughts…
[22:12] negative happens, but the point is to ask “What can I do about it?”
[22:25] make positive voice stronger,
– work it out?
[22:54] positive and negative perspectives both distort reality, but one is more useful (positive thinking won’t let you do anything, but it will let you do everything better than positive thinking will).
[24:35] Thinking about what went wrong does nothing to solve what we do next to focus on the solution. Let’s say someone is in trap and he is listening to his negative thoughts again and again, what should he do to break that cycle.
[25:03] Well the first thing he can do is to recognize that the inner voice is coming from that need to protect himself, need to hide away, that he need to able to feel sorry about them. Self pity is a form of self love, it can make us feel better. The important thing is that you are not your thoughts and your thoughts are not going to dictate your reality. The second thing is to ask yourself a different types of questions like what can I do about this. So asking a better questions like what can I do, what can I control is the better solution for it.
[31:20] I asked you prior to this interview about the main message you wanted to give The Ziglar Audience. Part of what you shared, along with the was, is…influence. You said, “Influencing others. but first and foremost influencing ourselves.”
[31:32] Again, this doesn’t feel like a normal perspective. I’d say as humans we generally view ourselves as existing, and being influenced by what we are exposed to, good and bad. So to say “We influence ourselves”, are you saying we choose what influences us, or we literally influence ourselves, from our own beings?
[31:58] I think I am saying both actually
[32:05] behavioral economics. Our brain generalizes which means that is great, which means we are learning rapidly but the problem is a lot of time we generalize unnecessarily. So when I say we influence our self, the fact is we convince our self.
[34:15] we have a need for certainty. In past, it was life and death.
[35:05] Now when I talk about winning a war, winning an argument over someone successfully, the best way to do that is to ask questions.
[37:14] One of the things what I heard from dad many times, and this is more of sales strategy, the prospects would say no and the worst thing you can do is to change their mind. So what he would say is that I don’t want you to change your mind, I want you to give some new information so that you can make a new decision. So in the battle or war from inside, what question we can ask is what new information we can get to make a new decision.
[38:45] Personal development, what is healthiest and best
[38:28] – when you prove a customer wrong, you both lose
[39:23] – You say, “We’re convicts of our own convictions”. Are you speaking of our tendency to develop beliefs that are part of our image and security and we close our minds?
[40:25] “strong believe is the death of intelligence”
[45:35] In reality, if you have a right mindset in your head, if you are not bullied by yourself, if you life yourself, if you believe yourself, if you think a good thought about yourself, then bullied by the other people does not work in the same way.
[55: 48]You can’t change reality but what you can change is how to perceive reality, by seeing yourself, recognize yourself for someone who being a hero. So let us say for example your are struggling with depression, let’s say you broke. You see I broke, poor me, that means life is unfair with me, it is the government, it is this, it is that, telling your story of why you broke. You are not telling the story of how you have to overcome.
[56:40] So you started to possession your self as an hero of the story. You see you change your life more by the way you perceive it,
If you create a new story then you can start to believe it.
Not the victim or monster, be the hero and you’ll find. A more useful meaning than the voice in your mind. No more begging. Strong instead. The king is back and will reign, The Conor McGregor of your head. You back in charge of your brain
[58:40] Let us go back in time 10 years ago, I was just turned 18 and it was 2007, dad had falled down the stairs, he gets his brain bleeds, he was in the hospital, he got short tem memory loss which never came back. After the couple of days in the hospital, the doctor came and looks in the eye and said Zig, you really need to think about what you are gonna do because the way you used to speak, you are not gonna be able to do that again. You might consider about retiring. Dad smiles at him, and says, I still have something to say, we just have to come up with another way to say it. At that point Dad was working on a book, that book got showed and a new book came after that names Embrace the struggle.