[00:00] Welcome to The Ziglar Show. I’m your inspired host, Kevin Miller. Today, Tom Ziglar and I bring you Dr. Paul White. Here’s the story: Ever heard of The Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman? It’s been a bestselling book for over two decades, and I mean a true bestseller. As of today, it’s sitting at #11 in Amazon…OVERALL. I would tell you it’s a must read for anyone and everyone, period. We tend to love, serve, and care for people in the ways that WE feel loved and cared for. But we don’t all feel loved and cared for in the same ways. Well, Gary kept getting testimony from people, saying they were applying the principles at work, and just not using the word LOVE. So, Gary partnered with an expert in the workplace to address the need and demand. He and Dr. Paul White wrote The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, which has also become a bestseller. It’s a significant message to all of us who work with others. We’re going to dig in, and even give you the chance to take a personal inventory called “Motivating By Appreciation” to see how you rank…for free. Dr. White is just doing that as a gift to Ziglar listeners. Stay tuned!
[03:51] Dr. Paul White is a psychologist, author, speaker, and consultant who makes work relationships work. He has written articles for and been interviewed by Bloomberg’s Business Week, CNN/Fortune.com, Entrepreneur.com, Fast Company, FoxBusiness.com, Huffington Post LIVE, U.S. News and World Report, and Yahoo! Finance.
[04:13] As a speaker and trainer, Dr. White has taught around the world, including North America, Europe, South America, Asia, and the Caribbean. His expertise has been requested by Microsoft, Miller Coors, NASA, the Million Dollar Round Table, the Milken Institute, DIRECTV, the Salvation Army, Princeton University, Dartmouth College, Napa Valley Community Foundation, Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors, and numerous other national organizations.
[04:32] Dr. White is the coauthor of three books, including The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, written with Dr. Gary Chapman (author of the #1 NY Times bestseller, The 5 Love Languages), which has sold over 200,000 copies. Based on their extensive research and expertise, Dr. White and Dr. Chapman have developed a unique way for organizations to motivate employees that leads to increased job satisfaction, higher employee performance, and enhanced levels of trust. Their “Motivating by Appreciation Inventory and Appreciation at Work” training resources have been used by numerous corporations, colleges and universities, medical facilities, schools, non-profit organizations, and government agencies, and is available in multiple languages.
[05:17] His most recent book, The Vibrant Workplace: Overcoming the Obstacles to Building a Culture of Appreciation, was just released in April 2017.
[05:36] So, there you go. But that “Motivating by Appreciation Inventory” that was mentioned, in the show Dr. White gives it to Ziglar listeners for free. All you do is email them for a free code at firstname.lastname@example.org.
[06:13] OK, folks, if you are ready…here are Tom Ziglar and me and an enlightening conversation with Dr. Paul White.
[06:20] Paul, I’ve been a fan and user of the The Five Love Languages in my marriage and parenting for many years. But I was admittedly blind to doing this at work in an intentional way. I knew the Ziglar audience would want to hear your message, so thanks for being with us today!
[06:42] Sure, my pleasure. I am glad to be here and join you.
[06:46] Let’s start off with the foundational premise of appreciation in the workplace. I assume many people have heard some verbiage about appreciation in the workplace being as important or more than money, rewards, and recognition. But bring us up to speed on the literalness of this.
[07:05] Well, it is interesting that appreciation in the workplace has been around in some form for awhile. So, appreciation in the workplace has become a hot topic, and when it is craving a lot of energy among managers and leaders because people think they show appreciation to one another. Sixty-five percent of people in a survey said that they had not heard anything positive from anyone at their workplace for over a year. But the key word is that people hadn’t received it. So what is happening, and has happened, is that people are trying to receive the appreciation but they are not doing so in the way that will get them the receiving. So, different people communicate appreciation in different ways. So if you are not communicating in a meaningful way to the recipient, then you are missing the mark.
[08:39] You ask people to reflect on how appreciated they feel by their immediate supervisor, then each of their coworkers. Is there any national average on how people feel? Just to get a pulse on how well or not appreciation is being addressed in the workplace?
[09:10] A study just came out last month that shows that:
- 55% of employees feel that they are not really appreciated
- 79% who leave cite lack of appreciation
Most business managers or leaders think that people leave for the money, but that is not the actual case, because leaving a job is an emotionally taxing kind of process. When they don’t feel valued, when they don’t feel that anybody cares about what they do, then they start looking.
[10:03] Let me ask you a question. So 25 years ago my manager said: personal recognition is the number one motivation to the people. So, I realize that I thought that some people like cash, some people like TV, some people like trips, but what you are really saying is no, it is a lot more doing it with how you communicate in the love language that person has.
[10:46] Yes, he is right on that. People are more motivated when they hear appreciation from their supervisors. But a lot of managers or management teams interpret that as some kind of awards and gifts.
[11:51] Chapter 2 of the book you hit on ROI…return on investment. This is not merely an altruistic endeavor, so school is in the bottom line payoff.
[12:40] Well, the investment is small but the impact is huge. We know when people don’t feel valued, a lot of bad things happen. People come late from lunch; people call off sick more often. A survey shows that 33% of people call off sick in the last one year when they were actually not sick. That is a big non-productive cost that any organization can have.
[14:12] You also make a specific distinction between appreciation and recognition…clarify this?
[14:22] Well, it is a huge issue. An employee recognition is a good place when you design it right, if you are using it right. The purpose of recognition is so that people are doing the right thing, doing a good thing, and giving them some kind of reward, an attention or gift. So it is all about performance. The problem is, in the market place people are now trying to make recognition as an appreciation, which doesn’t work now. Because appreciation is about personal performance of who they are. So appreciation is about value.
[21:54] We, of course, have a lot of business owners, employers, managers, and people in a position of leadership in companies, here in our audience. But we also have many people who ARE employees. To ensure they stay plugged in here, will you address how they can utilize this message in their workplace?
[22:20] That is a key issue. But what I found while roaming around the country and working with business owners and leaderships and organizations, is that peers and colleagues wanna know how to give appreciation to one other. Appreciation is something that you have done in the past, while encouragement is around the present and future.
[28:58] OK, so we have covered the proven value and necessity of motivating with appreciation in the workplace, but just as with The Five Love Languages, the point is, of course, that what motivates and speaks to one person may not motivate and speak to another. Before digging into the key areas of motivation, we need to choose from…I’m curious to hear from your experience, what are some very common ways companies and employers attempt to show appreciation to employees that by fnd large…are rarely EVER effective? The ones that most employees roll their eyes at?
[28:26] I don’t know if we have the data on The Five Love Languages, but I think it is less for a couple of reasons. One is if they only get a gift, and they never hear anything positive, or help them out. The gift feels very superficial. One of the interesting things that we found is that a person’s primary language of appreciation is also the language which easily offended them.
[34:05] Are some employers and companies at risk of taking this message and using it as a tactic to be chincy financially and simply try to overcompensate with appreciation?
[34:27] I haven’t found that case. Usually, the people who get this have a good motive and a good heart about it.
[36:10] OK, I want to give everyone a crash course in the five languages of appreciation here.
[37:45] 1. Words of Affirmation. This would seem the easiest one to give, but if you’re hearing this and feel that you are an introvert, not very outgoing, not super-skilled verbally, this could be a fearful thing. How can someone give words of affirmation in a way that’s not ultra-uncomfortable?
[38:40] There is a three-step process of giving an effective praise:
- handwriting cards
- use name; tell what they do that you value and appreciate, why important
- Important to be specific
[44:41] 2. Well, words of affirmation are not my primary language. Number 2 is Quality Time. Though I’m not Mr. Social, but you hit it on the head for me by clarifying one main aspect of Quality Time is “undivided attention” and “quality conversations.” My wife knows this well, but it made me realize that at work, I highly value this with my biz partner. We’ve gotten in the habit lately of taking lunchtime to eat our healthy leftovers while talking on the deck in the sun. We’ll often catch up on family goings-on and sometimes issues at the office, but the majority of the time we talk about business initiatives, and it ends up being an inspirational session where we both walk away pretty jazzed. But what are some other relevant aspects of Quality Time?
[50:40] 3. Acts of Service – OK, this one brought up a different question for me. I feel like Quality Time is what I want. But if you look at my life, what you’ll see me doing for others naturally is…Acts of Service. It seems intuitive that we would give in the way we want to get. So, am I uncommon in giving in a way that is different from the primary way I want to be given to?
[51:05] Actually, what we found is that two thirds, i.e., 67% of the time a person’s primary language is the same as what they do.
[52:00] So, help give us some ideas of Acts of Service that showcase appreciation.
[52:10] There are two things. One is for some people it is not necessarily the Act of Service,;it is sort of a combination of Act of Service and Time.
[53:56] 4. Tangible gifts – which first brings to mind a little gift box. Which, in a workplace, could seem a bit uncomfortable. Expand on this for us?
[54:20] Tangible gift is about small things that show that you are getting to know the other person. The number one gift that can be used in workplaces is food. And the second one is the gift cards.
[56:15] 5. Physical touch – in the book, you get right into what comes to mind and even headline it with, “Is there a place for physical touch in a work setting?” – So…enlighten us.
[56:35] An appropriate physical touch can be very meaningful. And, second, it happens. Basically, for us, physical touch is a spontaneous action of celebration.
[58:35] OK, so once we do the MBA inventory and know our primary language…you then direct us to our blind spot. Which was really eye-opening for me…I’m actually Stacy in your story! Fill everyone in.
[59:24] Well it is important but it is not the weakness. You know it is like, give me a gift or not, it is fine. But the challenge is that you are going to have people around you or your team that have that language. If you are not aware that this is natural to you, you don’t really think about it often.
[1:03:55] Thank you for bringing us such a good message. Thank you folks for listening to us.