What intentional investments do you routinely make into your marriage that help strengthen it?
Some answers we received were:
- Intentional, quality time together. Make time to be with each other.
- Before discussing anything ask, “What is my goal?”. Stay focused on love and connection, rather than “winning.”
- Goal setting together, and with the whole family.
- Not being alone with the opposite sex, and if you are, then letting your spouse know why.
- Planning, marking the calendar with your wife or husband.
Connect with your spouse! It makes your marriage better and it makes you better parents!
- Regular acts of kindness.
- Praying for your spouse.
- Looking at your marriage as its own separate entity.
- Practice of emotional honesty, encouragement, and gratitude.
No one method is going to work for everybody!
- Keep your expectations realistic, because unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments.
- Don’t expect your spouse to be your everything in every situation. Have other people in your life.
- Daily positive deposits.
- Don’t throw around the word “divorce.” Words have power.
[00:00] Welcome to The Ziglar Show, where we inspire your true performance. I’m your host, Kevin Miller, and today we are talking about marriage, and specifically, the intentional investments for success we make in our marriages. We’ll listen to a short clip from Zig Ziglar onstage, talking about…marriage. From his message we asked folks at my agentkmiller Facebook page, “If you’re married, would you share “What intentional investments do you routinely make into your marriage that help strengthen it?” We received more responses than on any other question, I believe, and it was such a rich, rich talk I had with my co-host Michelle Prince to discuss what everyone shared. If you are married or intend to be, hear what is working for people!
[00:53] A note: you’ll hear me reference a quote from Zig in the show that afterwards I contacted his legendary assistant, Laurie Magers, about, and she got me the correct quote. Here is what Zig said: “I’m personally convinced our divorce rate would be reduced 90 percent if men and women delivered in marriage what they sold while courting.” – Zig Ziglar
[01:15] Pretty powerful, isn’t it?
[01:18] OK, here then is Zig’s message on marriage:
[03:12] Again, from that message we asked folks at my agentkmiller Facebook page, “If you’re married, would you share “What intentional investments do you routinely make into your marriage that help strengthen it?”
[03:26] Here, now, Michelle Prince and I share the amazing responses. You’ll get great ideas and inspiration from these.
[03:53] Michelle, if I can, I wanna share a Zig experience with you. This was July 8, 2010, and I got to spend a blessed day with Zig. We went to lunch and did a couple of interviews, and it was so incredible throughout the day to hear him come back to some of the gems that were obviously paramount in his brain, and kept coming over and over.It seems like every hour something would come up and he would come back to marriage, so, very appropriate for today’s show. And what he said was, “If people would court their spouse after marriage like they did before marriage, the divorce rate would plummet.”
[07:00] Tim Dagley Semi annual one- to two-day retreat of “holistic goal setting”….God /bible-based outline that gives us the “track to run on.”
[07:37] Because when you both understand what is important, especially when everyone is so busy when you are raising kids, sometimes you lose sight of what’s important to your spouse. When you hear their goals, you really understand what’s driving them, what’s motivating them, that’s how you can be on their team, that’s how you can come together. So I love that. I believe in goal setting for families, even beyond marriage.
[08:59] Jonathan Daley: One of our simplest and best commitments was to simply never sleep in separate beds unless out of town. Means when we get angry, we have 13 years’ worth of history that says, even angry, we are still not repelled by each other. It was a run on “don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.”
[09:53] Of course, we all have such situations when we get angry and we want to separate from our partner, but I do agree that is a very important one, so I am happy that they shared that because, if you have that kind of discipline, that gives you the sense to your partner that “I may be angry with you, but I still love you. You are so important to me and I am not disturbing you.”
[10:30] Ashley Logsdon: Before we discuss anything, asking “what is my goal?” has helped us stay focused on love and connection, rather than being right or “winning.” Also, we believe in laughter, humble pie, and lots of sex.
[11:36] I think it also takes some of the emotions out here. What are our goals, what are we trying to accomplish, what are we trying to achieve? It takes out a lot of pointing fingers, emotional things; so that’s great advice.
[11:53] Jamie Slingerland: Dates every week and coffee together seven days a week!
[12:10] This has been something very, very important in our life. We have been married for 20 years, and we dated for a half year before we got married. Quality time is important. When my kids were little, I remember we’d drop off our kids, and whatever function we had to go to, we had only 30 minutes, and we just ran. I learned from my parents that you make time with each other; life will always be busy.
[14:55] Tim Winders: We never allow ourselves to be alone or in a car or travel or have coffee with a member of the opposite sex. Old school, but very liberating. We also have monthly meetings to discuss finances, travel, short- and long-term goals. We usually discuss calendars and schedules every week on Sunday night. Plus, we schedule dates at least once per month, and an overnight getaway every three to four months. 2018 will be our 30th anniversary.
[18:32] It’s the time you spend with each other, and in the end you will realise you know what you like in this person. But when you are in the middle of life and kids, work, and sometimes you are just ships passing in the night, like who is picking whom, when you just get away from all the day-to-day stuff and actually you have one-on-one time, it is really powerful.
[20:07] Ted Wolboldt: ..regular random acts of kindness…I also invest time in prayer and meditation as it relates to our relationship.
[20:22] I think this is what he wanted to say: that Redhead would make a perfect cup of coffee. But the fact that making a little extra effort to take care of someone…or I do remember him saying that she makes sure that he always has money in his wallet when he travels. He is perfectly capable of going to an ATM machine, but these little things show you are thinking about them, you care about them, I love stuff like that.
[27:19] Jason H. Garey: Daily breadcrumbs, in many forms, leading back to our love. Practice of emotional honesty, humility, gratitude, generosity, encouragement, and finding ways to keep things fresh on every level.
[27:44] Marcus Kusi: We read one book together each year. Sometimes it’s about marriage, other times parenting, finances, etc. We also spend at least 30 minutess talking with each other every day, usually after our kids are asleep.
[28:05] Ours is a little more organic, but we do always have a date night once in a week, at least. So we tend to save some of the dates for dinners where only two of us will be there. Because I like the intentional, the talk of the intentional meeting, the talk of the financial and our weekly get-together is going to be one of the smallest things. Then I would say daily is probably a little bit more.
[31:31] Audrey Steele: We keep our expectations of each other realistic. Unrealistic expectations are pre-meditated resentments.
[32:42] I had somebody say to me one time, or just in conversation, talking about we can’t have the expectation from our spouse, especially the women to their husbands. Meaning, if you are married to someone who is an introvert, don’t expect that he is the one you are gonna talk with about every single detail of the day. Just because you are this way doesn’t mean they are the same way.
[35:40] Karen Schneider: Simply saying, “I love you,” no matter how mad I may be, or how in love I feel in the moment! We were (over 20 years ago) in the Henry Blackaby “Experiencing God” study at our church. Alongside us was a single mother who had lost her husband and infant son in an auto accident! I never want the last words my husband hears from me to be spoken out of anger, but for him to know I love him!
[35:51] Jenifer Truitt ZiglarFamily We are intentionally polite to one another — it’s so easy to forget to say “please” and “thank you” when you’re speaking to your spouse, but we are careful to treat each other with respect in that way. It’s the model we want to set for our children, but it’s also just good in general!
[36:00] Steve Gallegos: Daily….I tell my wife how grateful I am to be her husband. Daily…I show her that she is the most important person in my life. Daily…I thank God for trusting me with one of His most precious creations. And then…I make sure to use deodorant!
[36:08] Phillip W O’Rand: Hold hands in bed and pray every night before we fall asleep.
[36:58] So, I’ll add just two things to it. I am not a perfect wife and I do not have a perfect marriage, and my husband will completely agree that we are human and every day we try our best. So the advice I am giving, that we are listening to as well as giving on this topic, is there are two things that really helped our marriage. The first one is take a look at how you react to your spouse. I mean, I am not perfect every day, but are you treating strangers better than your spouse? The second one is — and this is tough — when you are having struggles, meaning we all have struggles in marriage, but do not take the D word and i.e., divorce. But it is so easy to say when you are in the fight, when you are angry, when you are fed up, “You know what? We should get a divorce!” When you start throwing the words around, you haven’t planned, then you are planting the seeds.
[41:48] I hope you are inspired for your marriage, and some new, intentional, consistent investments! This is the first show we’ve done on marriage in quite some time. If you appreciated it, please let us know on iTunes, leave us a review! Coming up next in show 516 we bring you none other than…Michael Hyatt. He is committed to helping us all make this next year our best year ever. Instead of reliving the same year over and over, we talk through his plan to finally make our goals come to fruition. To make our New Year’s resolutions actually become…resolute. Committed plans. Not just mere hopes we abandon or don’t come through on. It’s a really, really powerful strategy that will set you up for the New Year with true hope, expectation, and an action plan. Until then, thank you…for letting me walk with you as we inspire our true performance, together!