What is something bad or challenging from your past that handicapped you but you have finally overcome? or what is something you are still trying to overcome?
Whether it’s past family issues, things we cannot control, feeling fear and doing it anyways, doing the hard things that we don’t “have” to do, physical limitations, self-confidence, self-imposed unhealthy habits – we all have things that happen to us. What helps us overcome as opposed to being overcome?
“It’s not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life; it is how you handle what happens to you.” – Zig Ziglar
[01:05] Welcome to The Ziglar Show, where we inspire your true performance. I’m your host Kevin Miller and today we a message from Zig Ziglar on dealing with hardships in our past, overcoming them, and progressing on to success. From the clip we posted on my Facebook page – agentkmiller – this question, “What is something bad or challenging from your past that handicapped you, but you have finally overcome? And if you have something that is still handicapping you and you are struggling to overcome it, please share as well.” As always, we received tremendous comments that Michelle Prince and Kevin talked through. Let’s start off by listening to…Zig Ziglar.
[04:06] Again, from that message we posted on my page, agent…and you can firend me to join…“What is something bad or challenging from your past that handicapped you, but you have finally overcome? And if you have something that is still handicapping you and you are struggling to overcome it, please share as well.”
[04:24] Here then, Michele Prince and I talk through some incredible comments:
[04:28] QUESTION: “What is something bad or challenging from your past that handicapped you, but you have finally overcome?” And if you have something that is still handicapping you and you’re struggling to overcome it, please share as well.
[05:15] Anonymous: Narcissistic parents. Father: Overt narcissist and abusive (mentally, emotionally and physically). Mother: Covert narcissist, abandonment Overcome!! But not without inevitable ripples into the next generation. Hopefully not to the extent of my damage but that’s subjective depending on the very individual make up of different people and how trauma affects them.
[06:00] I mean the fact that she’s aware of I mean that’s a big challenge right, I mean a much of who we are is because of our first family and you know to have those kinds of role models that weren’t necessarily positive that’s tough but the fact that she knows about it and is willing to work on it and get over it and be aware of it in other relationships is probably going to stop the cycle in future generations.
[06:25] I think so too and I sometimes ok so I’m not an alcoholic but that you know that some A type of thing is that let’s not call it always an alcoholic. I think some people debate about that and they like to say faith based stand point no I can be free but to some degree yeah when I look at her I mean to grow up with narcissism parents and grow up with that is a pro, that’s a reality that is I mean it just is you can’t get rid of that. And I think you know sometimes, it’s somewhat folly to try to say we’re disassociated with that as opposed to saying like an alcoholic would know I’m always that problem is, always going to exist that I have to let’s get it on the table and call it out so that we can deny It walk away go the other way as opposed to trying to pretend it’s not really there. So I appreciate her saying that it’s going to be there’s, going to be ripple effects.
[08:30] Gerry: I started playing piano at age 26. It was enjoyable, but quite difficult. As the years went by, I could play at home just fine but not in front of an audience. After about 8 years of forcing myself to play in front of people every chance I got, I broke through the wall and am now comfortable and confident at the keyboard. I also noticed that my fears in other areas of life were significantly reduced.
[09:30] Well and what he was saying about the piano is that is that he had to work his way through it and it sounds like the fear is really more stem from being judged or what other people think because the fear of not being able to do it in front of other people, there is something there. But something that he said though was it’s his fears and other areas started going away too. So it’s just amazing how fear is Zig would say fear is false appearing real. It doesn’t mean that what we think is going to happen will happen but we’re so paralyzed by that feeling of it. But when you push through it and I think it was our last show Kevin we said you know feel the fear and do it anyway. That’s in the title and it’s so so true, it may not feel good but when you get past it and when you overcome it, there’s that feeling of you know wow I did it and it sounds like that’s what Gerry feels.
[14:48] Tim: My birth defects …..along with my messed up legs and some not seen (removal of right testicle at age 12) destroyed me internally because I never faced my truth until much later in life. God showed me what he was training me for when my friend later in life would have a testicle removed due to cancer….my misery became my ministry 8 years later …..I still struggled but I got a glimpse of God and His purpose. Maybe that’s too much information but you asked and I am open to sharing my Testimony.
[15:42] I never think it’s too much information because every body has a story that can impact somebody is listening right now that is going to say well I’m not alone you know and I did see Tim’s picture that he posted and you know I just that’s the whole point of the show is that no matter where you start things can change. You can change the ending and it just you know it really just that pulls the end of the person you are and what you’re committed to what your drive is and all the things that Zig teaches.
[20:09] Bill McConnell: The negative imagery and fear my father brought me up to believe. It caused me to live a life of fear and paranoia for too long as I didn’t know how to break free from that way of thinking.
[20:30] In say going back to the first family I mean so much happens when we’re little, when we’re young and we have no control over it and you know helping people write books, I hear a lot of stories and there’s a lot of pain and a lot of suffering that happen at an age when they had no control and so it was hard as that is and as awful as it is, it’s like with anything. It’s a choice what do you do with it, right somebody’s pain can be seen as oh my gosh my life will never go on because I had this situation happen to me whereas somebody else will say I have to go on because this situation happened to me because now I need to help other people to not suffer. And so it’s just it’s amazing to me how the stuff that happens but that it boils down to a choice of what we do with it.
[23:37] Joshua: Fear of success. Fear of not meeting a standard or expectation. Falling short is the first step one takes in becoming extraordinary. We all are extra_ ordinary. We just need the right perspective or guidance believe it. Once that happens our potential is limitless.
[24:42] That’s so common and I know the exact same story Kevin and and you know and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with parents, now being a parent that wanted the best for their kids and you have high expectations because kids typically will respond to whatever expectation high or low right but it is tough, it is tough and I’ve carried it. I carried that through most of my adult life as well. So it’s that we’re not alone I know that and in talking to people and people aren’t listening to this you know it’s such a huge problem for many people.
[25:38] Scott Stover: The ably to accept myself, many other told me most of my life. I wasn’t the size I should be, and didn’t sound the way that I should sound. It took me going into an environment that the only thing that mattered is are we going to eat and are we going to make it through this (AKA The Military) to realize that the rest was just petty stuff. For others out there that may not sound or look like everyone else tell yourself or someone that makes fun of you that you would take a bullet for them and they will see you in a new light. PS I am much larger now, I was just a late bloomer.
[27:08] I think that’s just inspiration for everybody that just because you look a certain way or maybe you know have a certain, I don’t know characteristic about yourself that you don’t like doesn’t mean that you are not perfectly wonderfully made and good enough just the way you are but you know especially as young teenagers that’s really hard to get your arms around and get your head around when everyone else looks a certain way and you looked different.
[27:40] Kimberly: I was arrested as a teen….at 47. I still have to disclose this on job applications….I have not been in trouble since….but I still have to explain it….it’s so embarrassing…..but I don’t believe it has ever kept me from getting a job – that I know of…
[28:07] She has to deal with what sounds like she has to overcome it on on a pretty frequent basis whereas many of us make mistakes when we’re at that age and can move forward right. But that’s wow what that tells me about her is that she is strong and she has the ability if she can overcome that she can overcome anything and know that you know this too shall pass this is just part of it and it’s not going to hold, it doesn’t hold her back which many people that might hold them back, maybe they don’t go out and apply for jobs or they just give up so that just tells me how young she is.
[29:58] Kayla Mehlert: It seems ridiculous to so many people but we had a surprise pregnancy within days of getting married. I had never wanted kids, I was always aimed at a gruelling career. I spent the entire pregnancy feeling like God said “sorry, I know I gave you huge desires but you’re not going to be enough so I’m putting you on the bench, stay at home”. It was heart-breaking and even the first year of my daughter’s life was spent struggling and wresting with God…some days I still do but I’m learning to trust Him again and that he has bigger plans for my life than I do. It’s still a daily task to keep my mind in a healthy place with the whole situation.
[30:44] Yeah well you know I remember when I first found out, I was pregnant having a little sooner than we expected and I do remember the shock of being like you know I have this great corporate job and all that I joke about it all the time but I think there’s a reason why God gives you nine months because it takes that long to come to be OK with the idea that you have a little person about to come. What I think of though for Kyle is it’s a season and the season of raising kids is so short and you know with my oldest about ready to leave the nest this summer I’m realizing how short eighteen years really is. So her season is coming and sometimes God is preparing you in a season which feels like an eternity but he’s preparing you for something so much greater than you could have ever done in the season that you were planning on. So I don’t know I think it was good friend of mine actually just wrote a book and she’s launching into this huge amazing career, she speaks, she does all these awesome things and guess what she did not get to do any of that in the first few seasons of her life because she was raising kids and then grandkids and all that. So there’s just not an age limit for for that time for you, it’s not over.
[34:25] Mr M: I wanted to comment on the question you just posted, but I thought I’d rather give an anonymous/private response. I had seizures as a youngster and was heavily medicated until about five years ago. Since then I haven’t had any seizures, but I’ve been dealing with horrendous insomnia ever since. My sleep patterns have been so chaotic that it’s been hard to hold down a job for very long. Ditto for sustainable self-employment. I am very capable of hustle and work ethic….until I crash and burn hard.
[34:54] At this point, long term sleep deprivation has really taken it’s toll, and my cognitive resources (and mental well being) have really declined. (I was once a straight-A college student and even went on to a competitive PhD program) I recently had some brain imaging done and it looks like there may be some head trauma that explains a lot of this stuff. Not exactly good news, and it’s hard not to feel like a “victim” of this — or that now I have an “excuse”. But at the same time, I’ve been so hard on myself, for supposedly being lazy and unfocused and lacking fortitude.
[35:23] At this point, so much in my life has fallen apart (finances, physical health, relationships, you name it…), and I’m utterly overwhelmed at what it’s going to take to rebuild.
[35:32] I’m sorry to unload all of this on you and I don’t expect you to read it all on the show, or provide any solutions. But I don’t have a lot of positive supportive forces in my life, and it would mean a lot to get a few words of encouragement from you and your co-host.
[35:45] Finally, like I said, through all of this I’ve kept hope…that a better life (of freedom!) is still possible if I don’t give up…and keep feeding positive messages into my brain. That last one is you, and your dad, and Zig, and so many others. I had been meaning to reach out, and I just wanted to thank you for helping me keep my eyes on the prize over these years. Keep doing good work!
[36:06] Yeah well, can I just say first and foremost. That the fact that Mr M. I wish I did know your full true name, the fact that you reached out is huge because when we’re everybody gets in places like that were discouraged or were down and out and some for physical reasons, motional reasons, all different kinds of reasons pull us down into a pit but it’s not until you reach your hand up that you can get out of the pit. So I mean I just have to give kudos for that even if it’s just you know through this show but there is support, I mean there is support for so much of what you’re describing there are you know I know one thing about sleep. I don’t know necessarily your actual condition but mine my husband has a sleep business, and I know that sleep disturbances are one of the biggest problems in people’s lives but there is hope and there is help and there’s people out there that can help fix that. So that would be my biggest suggestion is don’t do this alone, there is somebody out there and each one of these areas that can help you and maybe they’re not in your inner circle right now but they will be if you reach out more.
[45:45] Friends, if you are celebrating obstacles you’ve overcome…here’s to you. If you are now thinking about some obstacles you WANT to overcome, we’re with you even more and I hope you found some inspiration to take action on from this show. Coming up next in show we talk with Patrick Lencioni, one of the most sought after corporate speakers and influences on the planet. He has 11 best selling books, but his latest is just tremendous. It’s titled “The Ideal Team Player – How to recognize and cultivate the three essential virtues. Now folks, either we want to hire the ideal team player, or we want to know how to BE the ideal, most desired team player. I’ll give it away…the three essential virtues are: humility, hunger, smarts. But that doesn’t…give it away, as you need to understand the specific dynamics. Patrick is an authority on human dynamics. Especially in the work place. It was an incredible conversation; he has an amazing story that sets him up to be the innovator he is in this space. Till then thank you walking with me as we inspire our true performance together.