What is something in your life that you used to react to negatively, that now you are able to more positively respond to?
- Fear of rejection
- Debates on various social media platforms
- Wanting things to go “your way”
- Making mistakes, not being perfect
- Past trauma
- Feeling disrespected
In many aspects we have to always be fluid with the environment around us. Sometimes we have to change the filter on what we take in. Change your listening, change your reaction to your circumstance. The way you react to anything is a reflection of your internal condition.
[00:30] Welcome to The Ziglar Show, where we inspire your true performance. I’m your host Kevin Miller and today we listen to a presentation clip from our guide, Zig Ziglar. He’s talking about how to move from “reacting” to responding. From this I posted on my Facebook page at agentkmiller where so many of you keep friending me to join in the conversation, “What is something in your life that you used to “react” to, negatively, that now you are able to more positively “respond” to? For example, a relationship or circumstance (job, finances, handicap, etc.) that had a lot of negative control over your emotions.” You’ll be a bit surprised to hear some of the vulnerable things people shared, and Michelle Prince and I then talked through.
[05:14] Ok folks, now let’s dig into the Facebook comments to the question, “What is something in your life that you used to “react” to, negatively, that now you are able to more positively “respond” to?
[05:32] What is something in your life that you used to “react” to, negatively, that now you are able to more positively “respond” to? For example, a relationship or circumstance (job, finances, handicap, etc…) that had a lot of negative control over your emotions.
[05:54] Patricia: For a long time, I was ultra sensitive to feeling rejected or abandoned. It caused me incredible pain and was a major contribution to a very serious mental health crisis. I’m incredibly grateful for the support and growth that have helped me reformulate my thoughts and feelings about this.
[06:55] You know something that she said was the felt feeling like she was abandoned that’s at one point and it’s possible that maybe that’s something that happened when she was young and if that’s the case there’s just so many things that happen to us in life that we have really no choice and it really is a decision whether you respond or you react and it doesn’t mean that you like what happened but it just means that you reformulate you know what it is that and or how you perceive that. And so I think that’s fantastic that she’s able to reframe it and change it. You know based on her experiences.
[09:52] Dee: I used to get mad at my mom’s comments, and I am usually a calm person. Her comments were often negative and unsolicited. Now I see that she loves me and is giving negative feedback because she is trying to help me. When she makes negative comments I now say “I think you are trying to be helpful so thank you” and I mean it. I changed the filter of my listening since I could not change the things she said.
[10:17] Ken: I like your comment on how you “changed the filter” because you couldn’t change the things she said.
[10:39] I love Dee’s comment because I can so relate to it from both sides because you know my mom and I love her so much and dearly but you know she’s she’s looking out for me. So she’ll sometimes share things that maybe I do want to hear or don’t want to hear but if I filtered it incorrectly, I can feel all you know like she was coming from a different place but on the other end of it I’m a mom and you know I give advice to my boys all the time and there are even in this last week one of my sons you know I gave some unsolicited advice but it was coming from the place of I Love You, I care about you, I feel like you know what’s best for you, I have more wisdom than you and I didn’t say that of course. So I can understand it you know on both sides but being on the receiving end of it though the filtering Dee got the absolutely right, that’s exactly what you have to do because you know parents they’re doing the best they can with what they know and what they have and their job is to care for you and protect you and help you and we have to filter those thoughts.
[13:04] Daniel: Topics or debates on social media with insignificant people. Now I never engage in those and often keep much of my knowledge to myself unless they are close friends. I’m less heated through the week and I can focus more on positive thoughts. P.S. I really enjoy the podcasts, have a great day.
[14:54] I’m so glad you brought that up because there is a lot of stuff right there’s a lot of stuff on social media and even in the news and we have to really be very very careful what we fill our minds with. So if we’re filling it with all of this negativity and we’re filling it with these rants and all that first of all you have to ask why how is that making you feel and secondly I’m very solution oriented you know I’m all for people having an opinion but if you don’t have a solution to your rant then don’t then don’t do it keep it to yourself or do it in your bedroom but don’t give it to the world. I just feel like most things on social media are just so problem focus and not solution focus and it’s so easy to point fingers, it’s so easy to give your opinion but if you’re not going to be part of the solution be quiet, it’s kind of my opinion.
[16:49] Jennifer: I used to try and plan things to include everybody and when people didn’t respond according to my grand plans I would stew for days… now I say- this is what I’m doing. If anybody wants to join along go for it, if not, that’s fine too.
[17:16] This is so tough because I’ve been on that side of it. I remember in there but many times in my life where I’ve invited more people than I probably should to an event. What comes to mind is my wedding you know not that we had a ton of money but I just felt like if I worked with them, if I met them, if I had knowledge that they had to come to my wedding and there comes a point where maybe that’s healthy, maybe it’s not because you do want to people pleasing you want everybody to come. But then not worrying if they don’t you know I think like to you know just like with Jennifer said you know that can bother you if they don’t all come but just knowing that not everybody is just sitting around waiting for your invitation, they have things going on and it’s not personal, it’s not you if they don’t come.
[18:15] Gerry: I used to be a perfectionist. It kept me from being creative, because my ideals were so high that anything I did in the real world could never live up to the ideal in my head. A few years ago I started writing books and have now published several. It helped me let go of my perfectionism and see that excellence can still be achieved.
[18:40] And if there’s anything to get you over the hump of perfectionism, it is definitely writing books because you can’t be perfect in writing. You know I think that many people can relate to what Gerry is saying specially business owners, entrepreneurs, people who maybe even want to step out into the world of entrepreneurship as you know you keep waiting for that perfect time the right time and as you and I both know there is no right time and it’s not always easy but it is so worth it. But not being so caught up in it having to be perfect.
[23:13] Kingsley: Having grown up in a homophobic culture and having been molested as a teenager, I reacted negatively towards anyone who identified as a homosexual for many years. Having chosen to forgive my molester after more than 20 years and gotten to understand more about homosexuality, know and made friends with a few who are, I now respond more positively towards a person who identifies as one.
[24:11] I just appreciate the fact that he shared that because I know there are many people listening who have been violated or hurt or you know abused in some way and they do feel very negatively toward that person or group or association. And so but I think what I’m hearing and his post is so much freedom in just letting go of that and also to me just sounds like forgiveness and grace that it may not be something that you accept but it may be that you can forgive and find you know acceptance I guess of it in a way.
[25:28] Christopher: Whenever I was blatantly DISRESPECTED I used to react as though their behaviour towards me somehow diminished me somehow. Engaged in mortal combat I would fight for my honour. After growing physically and spiritually I have come to realize that their disrespect is a reflection of their internal condition and my response is a reflection of mine. By not responding in fury to defend my families name and honour I am not impacted in any way unless I choose to believe that their disrespect is revealing a truth in me that’s valid.
[26:07] That’s a big leap that isn’t talked about just the wisdom that comes with that I mean it’s tough especially if everybody has a hot button and if it’s disrespect for you know Christopher I have my own you have your own and so when it happens you know some people to lying or whatever it is but when it happens yeah it’s tough to change that. What’s interesting is that what he was saying is in the past he would blow up which you were disrespected but yet then you respond in the way that you don’t want someone to respond to you and so that’s a tough one but to have that insight and wisdom to know that ok I got does that doesn’t mean I except this, doesn’t mean that I’m agreeing with you but I’m not going to step down to your level and go where you are.
[29:08] Jennifer: There’s a running theme through all these comments… disappointment- at the way things, life, people should be. We constantly forget we live in a fallen world.
[30:15] It’s actually a great insight into all of us and what went through my mind as you were saying that I was in visioning, there’s a meme that I’ve seen it on Facebook or social media and it’s a picture of Jesus and a little girl holding a teddy bear right and she’s just holding on teddy bear and there she stand in front Jesus and he’s holding his hand out saying you know give it to me, give it to me and she’s like no no no and but that behind his back he has this gigantic teddy bear, he’s just waiting to give to her. But only until only if she gives the little bear and what I’m going where I’m going with this is expectations and why we get disappointed a lot of times what we’re disappointed in is what we set up to believe is the best for us but it doesn’t mean that it is the best for us. I mean a lot of times these disappointments are all part of the process and how did we not gone through those things or had we not you know experienced those disappointments would we be the same person we are today.
[31:43] Marvin: I used to get super defensive when my wife would call me out for a character flaw. Or even when she would vent her emotions. Defensiveness was just my default reaction. Then I discovered the verse that refers to God as my defence. Took a ton of pressure off both of us. Our marriage is better.
[32:09] Justin: There are many things that used to bother me a great deal more than they do now, but if I were to pick one, it would be taking criticism. No one likes it, but I’ve grown to where I don’t just react immediately. This is easier in work life, but I’m also making progress at taking criticism from my wife. That is harder, but the points go much deeper, so it’s worth it to me to become adept at accepting my wrongs there.
[33:15] I definitely do and I can already tell your love language probably is affirmations, this is mine. Maybe it is, maybe it’s not but it’s true, it is hard and sometimes it’s hardest to take that criticism from somebody that you love the most because they know the real you, the true you and you want them to see the best in you but you know we know these things to be true but sometimes it’s hard to accept those that critique maybe it’s not criticism that maybe just an opportunity for growth and just bringing it into awareness and I guess it goes back to what we we started with our parents you know just coming from the filter of they love you, they want the best for you, they’re not trying to harm you and it’s just remembering that in the moment.
[35:55] Friends, I hope this has you really pondering what things in your life you react to, and how you can more positively and peacefully…respond. Again, huge thanks to all who shared to deeply. Will you offer your experience and wisdom for these weekly Q&A shows with Michelle Prince and me? Find me on Facebook at agentkmiller.com and join the conversation. Coming up next in show 555 we talk with a legend…Guy Kawasaki. I just returned from Social Media Marketing World in San Diego and Guy was a featured speaker and the Ziglar team and I got to spend half an hour with him just to pick his brain and get to know him better. Guy has a big pedigree, He was the chief evangelist of Apple and a trustee of the Wikimedia Foundation. He is the author of The Art of the Start 2.0, The Art of Social Media, Enchantment, and nine other books. Guy has a BA from Stanford University and an MBA from UCLA. Today Guyi is the chief evangelist of Canva, an online graphic design tool and a brand ambassador for Mercedes-Benz. He has over 10 million followers on social media and is just an incredibly unique individual. Till then…