How do you balance positive thinking and optimism with literal hard circumstances and allowing yourself to feel negative emotions?
[00:12] Welcome to The Ziglar Show, where we inspire your true performance. I’m your host Kevin Miller and today we hear from Zig Ziglar about positive thinking. In this clip Zig dispels the motivational statement of “you cannot do anything with positive thinking.” And gives some funny examples to prove the point. But, he then comes back with the truth that “you can do everything better with positive thinking than you can with negative thinking.” And of course drives home a convicting message. From this I posted on my agentkmiller Facebook page, where you are welcome to friend me so you can join in the conversation, “How do you balance positive thinking and optimism with literal hard circumstances and allowing yourself to feel negative emotions?”
[01:03] I wanted to really hear, because I’m human and even with the truth in my face, life can still be difficult, especially in a challenging moment. As you can imagine, really in depth answers that I bet you’ll resonate with. Michelle Prince and I talked through the comments for a rich conversation. So to kick us off, here is just under 2 minutes from Zig Ziglar.
[04:13] OK folks, I’m going to dive in with Michelle Prince and go through your comments to the question, “How do you balance positive thinking and optimism with literal hard circumstances and allowing yourself to feel negative emotions?”
[04:30] OK Michelle, from Zig see the continuation really of the message we’ve been sharing over these weeks talking on mental attitude I asked the question well I’ll preface it and you know I was just talking about a second ago that I know in the motivational inspirational sector there’s sometimes some negative feedback from oh we’re just making you know being Pollyanna about everything and you and I know that that was not zig but well again and I’m sure you’ve experienced that.
[04:57] Well I think everybody thinks that who you know unless you are in that world or you really do believe and be positive, I mean what I always put it you know you it’s telling the truth in advance you know and sometimes what you speak is kind of the direction in which you’re going to go. And so now for me personally I’ve grown up in this for all that love personal development so I know that positive impact of speaking positive thinking positive but yeah there are a lot of people out there that just think it’s bunch of Pollyanna stuff.
[06:00] Gregory: One step in front of the other. Left then right then left then right, balancing all the way. And simply allowing myself to feel both sides.
[06:15] Yadah: Seeing things exactly as they are, allow us to not only embrace the amazing things happening in our lives, but to also view a bad situation exactly as it is and not worse than it actually is. Then we focus all of our energy on coming up with solutions. Emotions are a part of us, it’s what makes us human and allows us to fully experience life. So it’s ok to feel negative emotions, we just need to exercise the discipline to use these as a productive force of motivation to get better results.
[07:05] I’m totally the same way actually my husband is probably more like your wife. But you know to the point of that comment you just read, there is something to be said for feeling you know disappointment or you know upset and when I was in high school, we support it you know you can have a pity party but you have to time yourself. So if you’re going to do it if you’re going to feel sorry for yourself give yourself three minutes, five minutes whatever you’re going to do and own it and be sad and whatever but then move on and I think that’s where you know for me personally that’s just what I consider positive thinking. It doesn’t mean the situation has changed but it’s more solution focused than problem. And you know if you can’t change it and it is what it is you know feel what you feel but then find a way to to change that for the good and for the positive you know for your mental state.
[08:22] Steve: Just facing it with as much realism and emotional maturity as possible. I have learned to allow myself to hurt and feel pain when circumstances are lousy. I don’t allow much time for self pity, but I don’t hide from the darker aspects of life. Thankfully, I have a strong faith that God is leading me through challenges to serve others, and find peace of mind.
[10:23] It is an interesting twist, it ties in a lot with you know since I help people with books, with you know I was saying that in your mess is your message you know or in your test is your testimony and so what that means is that you do have to go through some hard times and many maybe many hard times in order to have a message or a testimony to share with somebody else about how you overcame it. On how you handle the dark situation you know I think of Zig, I think of Zig’s example that he gave to all of us you know one of his books was Confessions of a happy Christian and his incredible book and you know one of my favorites but then following a couple years later after his daughter died he wrote Confession of a grieving Christian and for me what that says as Zig is known as being the most positive man in the world but in that book and in his life after since he died is you know he allowed himself to grieve but he also I mean from what I saw he accepted it to the point of like how can he make it better, how can he turn that mess into a message, how can he help maybe other people who are still grieving and he uses it in that way by writing that in or just living out his life that way and so for me that’s an example.
[12:47] Tim: Life is filled with all sorts of challenging seasons….I believe that if you have lived long enough and experienced enough joy and “storms” and have a deep routed spiritual foundation one is able to look at positive ( blessings) and negative (insert your hardships…wife with cancer for my family now) also knowing it is all seasonal and we all have temporary life assignments (perspective) ……you live in the moment and embrace it as a piece of your life and total story. I am blessed in my mess and “our story for God’s Glory”.
[13:57] It does, it gives us hope and certainly we want that for everyone but you know I think no matter where you are with your faith also not only you want hope as well. I mean you want to believe that there is something good coming or that there’s a purpose for all this you know as we you’ve heard it a million times and then the analogy of the harvest and seeds and planting and all of that and it’s just so true for our own life anything about the Four Seasons you know here we’re about to enter into spring but what comes before Spring I mean it’s the darkest of dark it’s winter and you know a lot of people are in the winter of their lives right now, many things maybe they’re going through a divorce maybe they’ve had tragedy or you know bankruptcy or something so dark that they can’t even imagine if they can get out of it.
[16:20] Dana: By understanding hard circumstances are the gateway to your best life. There are lessons you need in those circumstances.
[17:35] No nobody asked to be pruned, I mean come on we all want to just have the fruits but you know it’s for me the way I think of it Kevin, it’s just a perspective right you know depending on who you know you have two different people sitting here and one could have you could have the exact same thing portable thing happen to your life or maybe the same financial crisis or whatever it is and one person’s perspective is this is really really really hard but I have hope and I say that it’s going to be better and the other person’s perspective is this is as bad as it’s going to get, I’m going to wallow in my pity and I’m going to stay here one is going to or the others are going to stay stuck and for me it just boils down to it’s a choice. If I’m given the choice, I rather move toward him progress like you said and making something out of this than being stuck.
[20:45] Francisco: Since we are body, soul and spirit. I think the “balance” is asking are we living by the flesh or by the spirit? We can totally be engrossed in our flesh and if we think what happens to our bodies is the full picture of what is happening to us.
[22:09] It’s a good reminder that even the best of the best of the best who are known to be optimistic and positive an open happy you know have their down days too and they’ve had their share of tragedies and yet they can still have a different mindset and that’s because it is a new you work on and and you know one of the things I’ll just add to this is we all different personalities you know you and I may be more prone to being more optimistic right and then there are those who are just more prone to being more pessimistic or realistic many of them say. And so that there’s no right or wrong I think it’s just that it’s how are you going to respond or how are you going to react and you know if the situation is exactly the same in you to feel better if you respond and worse appear react to me it just boils down to a choice, why wouldn’t you go toward you know the better but you know so much times just going to pull down our personalities right.
[26:57] Well so real quick I want to make mention to a couple things too because as people were posting this on Facebook post the comments I actually came and said hey thank you and then asking if you guys vent, do you stuff it, do you give voice to it just to get some perspective write about it.
[27:14] Greg: Yes. And I run it out.
[27:17] Ricci: Yes! My poor husband listens to me vent and voice my negative thoughts. He’s a great listener 😂
[27:22] Steve: I let it out when I do my fitness flows. I love and just let myself physically vent to loud music! 😊🤘🏼
[28:18] Even in knowing what works for you because everybody’s different and I’m personally somebody that I need to be quiet. I need to be alone and I need to have my thoughts and I need to pray and I need to be if I’m outside it helps me to just perspective it you know I guess that word a lot of this so I think it’s just different perspective but for other people it’s running or you know I think that’s the case for my husband. He’s a runner but just knowing what it is for you because those times are going to come and if they haven’t yet they will know that you know how do you really how do you managed it.
[29:09] Justin: I’m careful about how I vent. I find it all too tempting to vent with words that rob me of my ability to do anything such as blaming. So when I do vent, I try to use words that express my frustration and pain and hurt without trying to hurt others. Note that this has been an intentional and slow process to change some deeply ingrained habits.
[30:18] There is tension and this is what I struggle with this and I know when I was younger I would pick up the phone as soon as I had a challenge and I call a girlfriend and I talk to want to talk it out. There’s that challenge and that is sometimes just keeping that negativity going, it’s not going to help you and I just get somebody else fired up and then that keeps that dialogue going and the other thing is you know and going back to my faith is I’m taking other people and I’m not taking God. And so it’s just that balance so you have the venting first it may not be serving me and so I think it’s just figuring out you know if you are going to vent to somebody else is it going to create a solution or is it going to create just keeping the problem going.
[31:05] Audrey: Ecclesiastes 7:3 talks about times like these. During extreme trials, when it hurts to breathe, “Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.” We need to feel our legitimate sadness and anger because if we push them away, they will grow to consume us inside, taking up more and more space until there is no room left for joy once the storm passes.
[33:18] And maybe it’s the sense that the difference between venting and discovery you know through counselling through through really just evaluating your thoughts and why am I feeling this way that’s healthy. Venting in my opinion is more just sharing the negativity and without the willingness to find you know the good in it or learn a lesson and all.
[35:21] Friends, I really hope this show helps you better deal with the hard aspects of life, and better apply a positive outlook. But also have grace on yourself and others. Thanks again to all who submitted their comment for the show.
[35:38] If you got value, the most valuable way to let us know is by leaving a review in iTunes. And if you do, we want to thank you! Literally, if you’ll leave a review in iTunes, email us at [email protected] and we’ll send you Zig Ziglar and Tom Ziglar’s book, Born to Win. An actual hard copy! Again, email us at [email protected] and tell us the user name you use in iTunes. We’ll thank you by sending you the Born to Win physical book!
[36:12] Coming up next in show 561 we bring you a truly amazing, amazing man. We all come into or end up in this world with some challenges. And just because someone else’s challenges might seem bigger, it doesn’t negate our own. We all want to know how to deal with them better. With more joy, peace and success, right? Well, we have a guy who is flat out anointed in this area. Nick Vujicic. He was born with no arms and no legs. Stop and think about that for a minute. What could you do with no arms and no legs? What hope would you have.? Yet Nick is one of the most sought after speakers on the planet, often getting 100 speaking requests per week. Literally. Why? Because he’s one of the most overcoming, inspirational people you’ll have ever heard. But it’s real world stuff folks. He also almost committed suicide. This isn’t some Pollyanna face on hardship. I’d tell you more, but…trust me. You won’t want to miss this interview that Tom Ziglar and I had with Nick. Till then…