How to Stop Anger


In this message, Zig expounds on the trajectory of anger and the necessity for us to understand it in others for what it so often is. It’s about them, not us. To rise above it, however, we must have a level of self-confidence and a self-protecting willingness to extend grace and stop anger. Thank you to Salesforce and Lenovo for their support of this episode!

Hi, everyone, this is Kevin Miller, your host of…The Ziglar Show. And our focus today is…well, it’s NOT, many things. Not even most things. It’s primarily…one thing. It’s the overall Ziglar slogan — “To Inspire…True Performance.” Inspiration. Motivation. If you aren’t excited and committed to whatever progression you desire in your life, all the how-to’s in the world are pointless.

People like to be part of something that matters. For those of you who go to a church, let me put you — being here and listening now — in perspective. I live in a small town. We go to, maybe, the third biggest church in the area, and on a good Sunday we might have 100 people. When we lived in the Nashville area of Tennessee, we attended churches with a couple thousand people. There are mega-churches much bigger. I’m told that the largest congregation in the United States is about 52,000, led by Joel Osteen.

Well, right now you are wherever you are…in your car, at work, on a run or exercising, maybe at home. And you are listening to a message that will place you in one of the largest congregations in America, as, like Pastor Osteen, we have about 50,000 others with you. I don’t say that to brag. As, in truth, we have a big country. Fifty thousand is not really that many. It’s enough to make us one of the top podcasts on the planet, but with over seven billion people on the planet, 50,000 is a pretty small church. You’re one of the few. The brave. The world-changers. Thanks for being here.

In the message you’re about to hear, Zig tells the story of one scenario about eight times over, sequentially, in the course of nearly six minutes of pure Zig run-on commentary, like only Zig can. He hardly takes a breath or comes up for air. I’d ask you to listen through. You’ll get the point early on, but Zig’s repetition is for a reason. Let it sink in, then…we’ll talk:

Well, friends, this message caused me to pause a bit. I understand it, but…what do I do with it?

Here are a few thoughts.

My negative junk can create a cascade of…junk. Folks, I have a big family of 12. Yes, if you think that number sounds bigger than in the past, we keep growing. Seven kids by birth to make us a family of nine, then we’ve been blessed with three more in recent years. They are from native American origin. Which I like to say…they are “actual Americans;” the rest of us are immigrants! But, in my home, there have been times where, for whatever reason, I am not feeling altogether positive and joyful. And my bad attitude…comes out. It’s amazing to see how it can model and shape everyone else’s attitude. I’ve literally had times of stepping back and realizing…”Wow, I brought in a black cloud and it just infected everyone. They all reacted and we now have a clouded home.” And I suffer from it as well.

This is just downright…daunting. I’m that much on display. There is a bit of me that feels like, can’t I just be free to be? But…sure, I can be. I can be free to pass smelly gas in public, too, or in a meeting, but there are repercussions from the sound and smell. I can’t escape it.

I’ve seen this in my work environment, too. You really do…reap what you sow. If I want a joyful workplace, I must be joyful and infect everyone with that! If I come in with a bad attitude, then I can expect that attitude is what I’ll receive back in various ways. We have that choice. So we can “be real,” or we can be better, and help others and…ourselves.

Next, though, dealing with others who are feeling less than…joyful. Folks, it’s just hard. Especially like in Zig’s story, when their ire is directed squarely at…you. Let’s look at this after I thank another sponsor of today’s episode.

We can talk all around this aspect of how to cope with being at the receiving end of someone’s ire, where they are kicking the cat and it’s not about you, but…you’re getting kicked!

I really believe the majority of the issue comes down to our personal self-image and confidence. Our own peace. Do others’ perspectives and accusations define us? Before you gut-respond with “No way!” I’d caution you to be real. How many times this week have you gotten upset with someone? Struggled with anger or sadness or worry at the hands of someone else? If you’re a sociopath or alone on a deserted island, you SHOULD have had at least a bit of a struggle. But can you recognize it for what it is, and have grace for the person or situation, and be ok with yourself, regardless?

Of course, we should consider any accusation. But, like Zig says, “Failure is an event, not a person.” Any criticism we must take into consideration, but also treat as an event. It’s not us. Nobody has the right to label or demean us by a failure, or even by MANY failures. Nobody. It’s our responsibility to compartmentalize it. And understand our worth.

Friends, this is a primary focus of Zig. If you admit you struggle here…then dig into Zig. Go to Ziglar.com and get his books. Go to ziglar.com/selftalk and start reprogramming your brain!

But, again, to the issue of somebody being cranky, we are best to just consider they have someone kicking their cat, and extend them grace. Grace. Unmerited favor. You aren’t going to change them; you can only change you. Give them grace.

We have control over that decision. And you know what, folks? Sometimes grace is enabling bad behavior. This is the main reason it’s so hard for me. But grace is still the best choice, often. Grace is also not justice. You’re right on that, too. Grace is often not for whoever you are giving it to. It’s for…you.

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